Bacon

That, my friends, is what i like to call a "Bacon storm". And that poor soul in the midst of it is Andy. Now i know what you're thinking, "BACON STORM?! So this guy is just standing there watching all this bacon rain down and he isn't doing anything about it? He's not even eating any?!?!" It's shocking, i know.

But there's something you have to realize, Andy's world does not work like yours or mine. Strange and unfortunate events occur to Andy almost constantly. It's actually quite maddening. So while this Bacon may seem like a blessing to you, it's a curse for him. Rhyme and Reason is not something Andy has the privilege of experiencing

And you think your life is rough....

Soon

This is andy. Andy didn't have a good year this year. It was boring, but more importantly it was lame. Andy hates being boring, but if there is one thing he can not stand it is lame things. He refuses to allow this to continue.

He just....doesn't know what to do....

Ignorance

That is Andy. He is very boring. Andy thinks it is time for change. Gosh darn it, Andy is going to do something about it!

Andy walked 15 feet to the right. But hey, it was something. Andy is on a roll now. He's doing stuff! This is quite the accomplishment for him. No point in stopping now. Some quick thinking leads to him closing his eyes really tight, which he never does.

It gets dark and Andy can't see anything. He waits a few seconds then opens his eyes.

Wait....what?

Resurrection

This is Andy. Andy has been gone for quite some time. With a certain holiday coming soon Andy feels the need to always be prepared. So every year Andy takes precautions a few months before Halloween. He does this in secrecy but in reality nobody wants his secret methods. Nobody even knows who he is, let alone that he exists.

As a kid, Andy saw a zombie movie. He wasn't frightened by it, but fascinated. From that point on he has spent every Halloween waiting for the zombie apocalypse to come. Not because he wants the world to end, but because he sets up a zombie trap every year. Now don't be confused, it's not some elaborate contraption. And it is also the same thing every year.



Andy has a really good feeling about this year.

Time

This is Andy. Andy is deep in thought. Time has always fascinated Andy. Time isn't linear, we as humans only perceive it that way. If we try to comprehend it any further than that our minds will mostly implode.

Andy doesn't have to worry about that. He has spent his life thinking about things so anything he thinks about he will tackle with ease. He is so damn boring his mind has spent every waking moment processing information. He could be the smartest person in the world, but he is the most boring person in the world. Andy could solve almost any problem because all he has done his whole life is think. He could probably tackle the mystery of time if he spent enough time thinking about it.

But alas, he just gives it a glancing thought and goes back to his other thoughts. And by other thoughts i mean the blank slate that he calls his mind.

Andy is smarter than you, accept it.

Shoes

That is Andy. Andy needs new shoes. His current pair of shoes just isn't comfortable anymore. The sad thing is, new shoes would be an exciting time in his life. Not like everyone else who only get slightly excited about new shoes (some people don't get excited at all!) For Andy, it's like a life changing experience.

Andy might have had enough money for a nice new pair of shoes....

If it wasn't for that fucking toaster.

Holes

This is Andy. Wait.....no it's not. That is a hole. To be specific, that is the hole that Andy fell into

Andy was bored of just standing there, so he decided to walk around. In Andy's spur of the moment decision he failed to realize there was a hole in front of him.

So Andy fell down the hole and now he can't get out

His foot itches, like REALLY bad.